Devotion
by remember-nomore
Summary: Lindsey finds a letter Tara wrote to him on the night she gives herself to him...and allows him to turn her into a vampire.


_My dearest Lindsey-_

_I love you._

_I am now writing this letter while you sleep, looking over at you sleeping makes me believe and know that there is hope and good in the world. It gives me faith and hope in angels again._

_You've shown me that there is such thing as happy tears and not only ones of sorrow and pain. Which is something I've felt since I could remember._

_I was raised with the thought beat into me that I wasn't worth loving or caring. I was taught that I was worthless and only around to please my father and brother; willing or otherwise._

_After my mother died I really did believe that. I never thought I had a heart or was good enough to be loved._

_You changed that._

_You made my heart feel._

_You made it really beat for the first time._

_I now have one thought with total clarity._

_I love you._

_I do, I knew I started loving you when you found me that day. You showed me more kindness then I've ever known. Not even from friends or even family._

_You were a stranger, a vampire no less, yet you cared and took the time and care to make sure I was alright. You not only took care of my body, you took care of my heart and my soul._

_You made me feel more comfortable in myself; so much that I could let loose and not worry about what someone is going to say or think. You didn't keep me in the mold that everyone else has, you let me be me; without reservation or strings._

_Know that the last thought on my mind before I slipped into the blackness that is my final living breath was you._

_It's always you. You are burned into my mind, my body and my soul. You are a part of me. You are my better half; the half that completes me. You're my heart, without you I can't exist._

_I don't want to exist without you._

_You have the biggest heart of anyone I have ever met. This is why I know this will be very hard and maybe unfair of me to ask._

_I know you would do anything for me; I also know that this is the hardest thing that I ever could have asked of you._

_If something goes wrong, if I change so bad that I'm not myself. If I become some vicious monster that you can't even bare to look at._

_Stake me. Please. I don't want to be so far from myself that I lose you too. I don't want my actions as a vampire to ruin all the wonderful times we had._

_I don't want you to hate our memories or me. I'd rather be a pile of dust then to have that._

_I've taught you everything I can about the spell to give me back my soul if I do lose myself use the spell if you think it's best. If for some reason it doesn't work, I b don't /b blame you. You didn't fail me, if it doesn't work then it wasn't meant to be. Our forever wasn't meant to be here in this life. We had our time._

_Please, if that happens, if I lose myself totally. If when you look at me you don't see who I was, the one you said you wanted to be with and you only see this monster that's living inside the shell of a girl you knew._

_Don't let me go on like that. I don't want that. I never wanted that._

_The only reason for this is because I never want to be apart from you, I want to be with you forever. I know this is the most logical way possible. I want to have forever with you._

_I have nothing holding me to the human world and I know the only thing in this world at all that I have is you._

_I can't bear to lose you._

_I lose you I don't want that forever._

_My forever is with you. That's the only way I want it._

_Please baby, if I do lose myself and I lose you. Don't make me go on. Don't let me. Don't let me be a monster that hurts those I once loved. My spirit couldn't take that._

_Don't let me be like her. I see the bitterness and anger in your eyes when you talk or think about her. My soul hurts at the thought of you ever feeling that way about me._

_I love you so much that I feel like my heart is going to break because it can't hold it all. I never thought I could love at all and here you came and not only proved that but proved that there isn't a limit to it._

_I love you Lindsey, more then my own life. I'd give my life up for you._

_My life is now with you. I told you that I want to be with you forever. I've told you that I love you._

_I mean it, now I'm going to show you._

_Forever;_

_Tara_


End file.
